Backlog Dialogues

We've made it to the end of Aqua's route! Aqua has a brief encounter with Riku and Sora on Destiny Islands. Afterwards she heads to the Keyblade Graveyard in a desperate attempt to keep her friend group from falling apart. There, she faces Braig for some strange reason as well as Vanitas in Ventus's body. But while it's the end of the route, it's not the end of her story in Birth By Sleep...

Aqua confronts the greatest evil in all of Disney - sexism! But before that she has to finish up what passes for a story in Disney Town while becoming a Fruitball star. After we cancel Phil for being a sex offender, we have some marginally less bad worlds in Deep Space and Neverland (though Neverland still has a racism problem...) It's not a great set to close out Aqua's time in Disney stories, but we're still talking about it here!

Aqua goes to Radiant Garden.
Some stuff happens there that we've already seen.
And a fight with Vanitas we didn't see.
And I guess she meets Kairi?
...That's still not enough to fill a full episode.
Hey guys, wanna talk about Scrooge McDuck for half the episode?

(The Force Awakens is a terrible movie name but we had to riff on it somehow)
It's the start of Aqua's route in Birth By Sleep! Let's be the best girl as we clean up the messes of our easily duped big brother and highly distractable little brother. Aqua gets into antics in the Castle of Dreams and we speculate on the shady history of the Fairy Godmother. Then Aqua watches the end of Snow White from the sidelines and does the same mirror fight Terra did a few hours ago in the Dwarf Woodlands. Finally, Aqua stages a jailbreak in the Enchanted Dominion and fights Maleficent, who learns nothing other than that Keyblades are awesome.

My favorite part of Birth by Sleep is when Vanitas yells "It's Vanitasing time!" and Vanitases all over everyone. (Sorry, I know we've all gotten past Morbius as a society but this episode was recorded in the time period when it was a thing so there's Morbing jokes.)
Anyway, it's time for the conclusion to Ventus' route! Ventus has his last sidekick check-in with Goofy and Donald, then gets one nasty reveal after the other as he learns his true purpose is to fight Vanitas to forge the χ-Blade (pronounced Key because Nomura is a loon). This culminates in said clash and a battle within a dive to the heart, which is simultaneously among the most narratively satisfying moments in all of Kingdom Hearts along with one of the most frustrating gameplay moments. Truly a tragedy.

Time to be tacky clout chasers and drop a bunch of names we have no business saying! Also time to discuss Ventus' second half of Disney worlds for Birth By Sleep.  In Disney Town, Ventus unlocks powerful movement skills way too early and also shoots ice cream at children doing a butt dance in a terrible music game. In Olympus Coliseum, Ventus sits on the sidelines but does make friends with young Herc. In Deep Space, Ventus helps Experiment 626 escape the law. And in Neverland, Ventus visits poorly named areas while we contemplate what kind of artificial world Neverland is and what kind of Demiurge Peter Pan is.

Ventus's journey takes him to the Badlands and Radiant Garden this week! In the badlands, he gets in a fight with a very annoying afterimage spamming jerk, Vanitas, and makes friends with everyone's favorite cartoon mouse. Then, in Radiant Garden, he gets tickets to disney town and meets a bunch of pre-nobodied Organization XIII members, even making a few more friends! And also learns angst.

New character route time, it's Ventus! Join this game's very good boy on his first foray in to Disney worlds and his numerous encounters with sidekicks. We play a very stupid game of hide and seek with the seven dwarves in their woodlands. John introduces new jargon, Sillevil, to describe the absolutely bonkers adventure in Castle of Dreams, where Ventus is shrunk to rodent size and must fight Lucifer (the cat, not the prince of darkness.)(Is there a difference? - Jared) Then Ventus goes hero mode alongside ditzy fairies Flora, Fauna and Merryweather to take the fight to Maleficent's castle in the Enchanted Dominion and retrieve Aurora's heart.

The tragic conclusion of Terra's route has arrived! We go through Terra's fateful decision to grant the power of the keyblade to a young Riku, confront Eraqus as he seemingly readies to kill Ventus, and have the fateful final battle with Xehanort. Throughout we have seen Terra's hopelessly manipulated path, but we still know of his determination, which explains how Terra's Will began to linger in his armor to create one of the strongest blocks of gameplay driven story Kingdom Hearts has to offer

It's time for Terra's second speedrun of Disney worlds, with visits to Disneytown, Olympus Coliseum, Deep Space, and Neverland! In Disneytown we take our first dip in to Pete's backstory (and his secret history of playing both a heel and a face) along with Rumble Racing, the worst kart racer ever. In Olympus Coliseum, Hades is the next villain to pick up on the fact that Terra is an easy mark, but is disappointed when Terra doesn't really DO anything and so enlists Final Fantasy cameo Zack instead. In Deep Space, Terra befriends the ornery Experiment 626 and manages to see past Jumba Jookiba's admittedly weak deception skills. And in Neverland, Terra finally manages to get one up on his deceivers... but only after Hook tricks him in to fighting Peter Pan first.