Backlog Dialogues

It's the sequel to the Hades minilog that no-one expected as we return to Olympus Coliseum! We keep on brand with it by spending most of the time trying to escape the underworld! But before all that, Merlin interrupts the story to drag our asses back to Hollow Bastion to introduce us to Kingdom Hearts 2's Winnie the Pooh story. Lets just save that for later. We discuss the coolness of Auron, revisit the question of what Zexion and Lexaeus were doing in the basement of Castle Oblivion, and fail to synchronize three voices since we record in separate locations. 

We finally make it to the first batch of Disney worlds in Kingdom Hearts 2! First we visit the Hollywood set version of Mulan with Land of the Dragons. The Chinese Army has more use for kids, ducks and dog things than it does women. Mushu chases clout by trying to act like we're friends just because he was a summon in the last game.  Sora begins a new run of self insert fanfic by involving himself in other peoples stories. Then the story stops abruptly. Then we go to Beast's Castle so we ca catch up with someone who IS our friend, but he's acting a bit off. Talking furniture tries to make us do party games in the dungeon and it is not fun. Some guy named Xaldin tries to make us care that he exists, but honestly not that much. The story stops abruptly. I wonder if this is going to be a thing.

We're Sora again! Mickey is trying too hard to be cool and sends us to meet with a bunch of lorebooks in a wizard hat and cloak, Yen Sid. We meet the best mook ever, Pete, and Sora gets new clothes, fortunately not inspired by Pete's special threads. Then we visit Hollow Bastion again, get membership cards to a nebulously defined organization that needs a better name, and then another nebulously defined organization shows up to troll us. We also have a fun sidebar discussing the various interests of Kazushige Nojima. Okay, one interest, memories.

Let's hang out for a week with Roxas and his friends Hayner, Pence, and Olette in the sleepy, pleasant Twilight Town! But it's gonna be the worst week of Roxas' life. We recover the concept of pictures that were stolen by zipperjacket flappy dudes, beat up Smarmy Git Seifer and his posse of Fu, Rai, and Vivi, do odd jobs to go to the beach only to have our money stolen by a cloak dude, do our homework as reality starts to break down around us, and finally reach the tragic conclusion of the story of Roxas and Axel before we've had a chance to get to know either. DiZ is a dick.

Well, that Sora stuff was wild! Anyways, now let's follow Riku in to the basement of Castle Oblivion to see an incredibly great character piece interspersed with terrible revelations about what darkness smells like. Meet Zexion and Lexaeus, the slacker stoners of the mysterious organization, and join us in our utter delight at Riku's cringiest outing. Why can't ANYONE in this place find the light switch? The gameplay is better too! 

Things get weird in the first non-numbered title of Kingdom Hearts! Sora goes in to Castle Oblivion because he is  a good boy incapable of distrust, and meets a bunch of internet trolls wearing black cloaks. Axel, Larxene, Vexen, and Marluxia give us our first taste of the mysterious Organization that may or may not have thirteen members. If only their name gave us a clue. KH Fanfic writer Namine turns Sora's mind in to swiss cheese, but that doesn't deter Sora from befriending and protecting her anyways. Oh, and Sora has to deal with clunky card battle mechanics because the side games are for experiments!

We take a break from Kingdom Hearts to discuss one of the best action video games of the last decade, Hades! Meet Zagreus, loveable but fumbling Disaster Bisexual giving the entire underworld a headache, and his many... friends? Bouldy is a friend, at least. Listen to Bouldy. Love Bouldy. Bouldy is always there for you.

We reach the end of our journey through Kingdom Hearts. John goes nuts with completion, resulting in a discussion of crafting and optional bosses. Then we traverse through the End of the World and face off against Chernobog(watch Jared's inner music nerd go nuts!). At last, we finally confront Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, and prove that, Without a Doubt, Kingdom Hearts is Light.
And then we get a preview of what is to come.

Boy, last episode was a little heavy, huh? Let's try switching tracks, and dealing with existential dread of a different kind in the Hundred Acre Woods! Come along with Winnie the Pooh and the people he torments and yet calls friends. After, we return to Hollow Bastion and discuss the cuteness of Behemoths. And also read off a bunch of Ansem Reports, because LORE.

Kingdom Hearts is BACK, bay-bee! Sora, Donald, and Goofy make it to the ruins of Hollow Bastion, which is the best part of Kingdom Hearts 1. Sora loses some friends through Riku being a jerk to him again. Luckily he gets bailed out by making a big fluffy BADASS friend in The Beast. Sora learns proper combat strategy by letting his friends be his power. Then Sora also makes a bunch of characters in the most important scene in the entire series, but that's not important right now. John, Jared, and Matt decide to start injecting amateur voice acting for line reads and have too much fun to stop.