Backlog Dialogues

Let's hang out for a week with Roxas and his friends Hayner, Pence, and Olette in the sleepy, pleasant Twilight Town! But it's gonna be the worst week of Roxas' life. We recover the concept of pictures that were stolen by zipperjacket flappy dudes, beat up Smarmy Git Seifer and his posse of Fu, Rai, and Vivi, do odd jobs to go to the beach only to have our money stolen by a cloak dude, do our homework as reality starts to break down around us, and finally reach the tragic conclusion of the story of Roxas and Axel before we've had a chance to get to know either. DiZ is a dick.

Well, that Sora stuff was wild! Anyways, now let's follow Riku in to the basement of Castle Oblivion to see an incredibly great character piece interspersed with terrible revelations about what darkness smells like. Meet Zexion and Lexaeus, the slacker stoners of the mysterious organization, and join us in our utter delight at Riku's cringiest outing. Why can't ANYONE in this place find the light switch? The gameplay is better too! 

Things get weird in the first non-numbered title of Kingdom Hearts! Sora goes in to Castle Oblivion because he is  a good boy incapable of distrust, and meets a bunch of internet trolls wearing black cloaks. Axel, Larxene, Vexen, and Marluxia give us our first taste of the mysterious Organization that may or may not have thirteen members. If only their name gave us a clue. KH Fanfic writer Namine turns Sora's mind in to swiss cheese, but that doesn't deter Sora from befriending and protecting her anyways. Oh, and Sora has to deal with clunky card battle mechanics because the side games are for experiments!

We take a break from Kingdom Hearts to discuss one of the best action video games of the last decade, Hades! Meet Zagreus, loveable but fumbling Disaster Bisexual giving the entire underworld a headache, and his many... friends? Bouldy is a friend, at least. Listen to Bouldy. Love Bouldy. Bouldy is always there for you.

We reach the end of our journey through Kingdom Hearts. John goes nuts with completion, resulting in a discussion of crafting and optional bosses. Then we traverse through the End of the World and face off against Chernobog(watch Jared's inner music nerd go nuts!). At last, we finally confront Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, and prove that, Without a Doubt, Kingdom Hearts is Light.
And then we get a preview of what is to come.

Boy, last episode was a little heavy, huh? Let's try switching tracks, and dealing with existential dread of a different kind in the Hundred Acre Woods! Come along with Winnie the Pooh and the people he torments and yet calls friends. After, we return to Hollow Bastion and discuss the cuteness of Behemoths. And also read off a bunch of Ansem Reports, because LORE.

Kingdom Hearts is BACK, bay-bee! Sora, Donald, and Goofy make it to the ruins of Hollow Bastion, which is the best part of Kingdom Hearts 1. Sora loses some friends through Riku being a jerk to him again. Luckily he gets bailed out by making a big fluffy BADASS friend in The Beast. Sora learns proper combat strategy by letting his friends be his power. Then Sora also makes a bunch of characters in the most important scene in the entire series, but that's not important right now. John, Jared, and Matt decide to start injecting amateur voice acting for line reads and have too much fun to stop.

Sora, Donald and Goofy become horrific abominations, but still are not as terrifying as the swimming controls in Atlantica. Then they only manage to become mildly spoopy as they work out the first principles of Kingdom Hearts with Jack Skellington in Halloween Town. Finally they learn to fly in Neverland without ever actually going there. We learn the secrets that only kings about other worlds, but it makes them highly paranoid. Riku is still on his shit. 

We set out to experience the next pair of Disney worlds, Agrabah and Monstro. Sora meets a stiffly animated Genie, then gets eaten by a giant whale. John lays out the reason the most dangerous characters in a setting are the ones that know the most lore. We start to see Riku is on some shit. Someone needs to call him on that

Discussion takes us and Sora through three Disney Worlds, Wonderland, Olympus Coliseum, and Deep Jungle. We learn about the nature of level design in Kingdom Hearts and its many Chaos Mazes. Sora is given a very brief crash course on the stories of Alice in Wonderland and Tarzan and trains to be a hero under Hercules. Also, Cloud from Final Fantasy is here!