Backlog Dialogues

Time for round two of Disney World Revisit Speedrun! We start in Agrabah to finish the Return of Jafar story with some annoying flying carpet minigames. Then we visit Halloweentown to find that no matter what, Jack Skellington is unable to quit Christmas. Back in the Pride Lands we continue to grapple with just how powerful Scar is, even in death. And in Space Paranoids we confront the Master Control Program to restore Hollow Bastion to its true name as we build to the finale of Kingdom Hearts 2.

Due to technical complications, this episode is a rerecording of an episode that you'll never get to hear! Don't worry, this version is better anyway. It's the start of the Kingdom Hearts 2 World Tour, as we speed run through very flimsy revisit world plots. We start in Land of the Dragons and accomplish nothing of note but do meet Xigbar and maaaaybe Riku? In Beast's Castle we go through some weird Beauty and the Beast fanfic while dealing with the least important member of Organization XIII, Xaldin. In Port Royal we touch base with the freakish facsimiles and meet Luxord. And finally in Olympus Coliseum we take part in the Hades Cup and rescue Auron from a fate worse than death: being immortalized as a Funko Pop.

It's time for the big dramatic set piece at the middle of Kingdom Hearts 2, the Battle for Hollow Bastion! Final Fantasy characters are all over the place again this week, opening the door for some amazing memetic lines. But before we can get in on the action, an annoyingly long and even more annoyingly important extra scene added to Final Mix completely kills the pace. After that we beat Demyx, Goofy dies and revives in a matter of minutes, and the face of our big bad for this game, Xemnas, is finally revealed! Plus, you'll never GUESS who pulls a hero move!

It's Final Fantasy Day(YAY!) as we return to Twilight Town and Hollow Bastion! Oh and then we learn how to computer in Space Paranoids. We poorly try to put a pitch filter on a voice to make John sound like Donald for a scene. Saix and Lexaeus get our Organization XIII discussion focus. We meet the weirdest Final Fantasy cameo in the fairy forms of Yuna, Rikku, and Paine. Yes, this is weirder than Setzer. Tifa decides to roll an investigation check using her Strength score. Stitch shows up literally out of nowhere to be the best summon in the game. Mickey says the single greatest line in all of Kingdom Hearts.

Alternate Episode Title: How the Witch Stole Christmas.
In Halloweentown, SDG join a skeleton named Jack that is not Johnny Depp in the ritual harassment of Santa Claus, who Sora is very horny to meet. Matt pulls out an absolutely amazing Goofy voice that we regret not having him try way before, but hey, we know about it now! Maleficent makes two of the worst decisions in her career as a villain, and its all in hiring. She needs to get an HR department. Then we go to the Pride Lands, where maybe we're a lion? Sora plots a regicide. We discuss the perfection of Pete's lion fursona, but spend so much time that we run short, so we'll speed run the back half of the plot of Lion King! Kingdom Hearts throws us a curveball that proves Scar is the most powerful and dangerous of Disney Villains. We're still not going to have finny fun.

We have our first live action Disney world represented in Kingdom Hearts with Port Royal, a terrifying world filled with spooky, horrifying abominations of nature that delve deep in the uncanny valley. And also it has ghost skeleton pirates! After that we head back to Agrabah and stumble through a clumsy half retelling of our first Disney direct to video sequel story. And most importantly, we stay away from going under the sea for a week longer.

We got a short trip to the distant past in this episode! Bad stuff is going down in Disney Castle so it's up to Sora, Donald, and Goofy to enlist the help of a possibly evil wizard to break the rules of time and space so that they can return to King Mickey's roots and save the cornerstone! Lots of Pete antics on the plate today, double the Pete, in fact! So much Pete you can hardly believe your Petes! Wait... just what the hell shape is a cornerstone?

It's the sequel to the Hades minilog that no-one expected as we return to Olympus Coliseum! We keep on brand with it by spending most of the time trying to escape the underworld! But before all that, Merlin interrupts the story to drag our asses back to Hollow Bastion to introduce us to Kingdom Hearts 2's Winnie the Pooh story. Lets just save that for later. We discuss the coolness of Auron, revisit the question of what Zexion and Lexaeus were doing in the basement of Castle Oblivion, and fail to synchronize three voices since we record in separate locations. 

We finally make it to the first batch of Disney worlds in Kingdom Hearts 2! First we visit the Hollywood set version of Mulan with Land of the Dragons. The Chinese Army has more use for kids, ducks and dog things than it does women. Mushu chases clout by trying to act like we're friends just because he was a summon in the last game.  Sora begins a new run of self insert fanfic by involving himself in other peoples stories. Then the story stops abruptly. Then we go to Beast's Castle so we ca catch up with someone who IS our friend, but he's acting a bit off. Talking furniture tries to make us do party games in the dungeon and it is not fun. Some guy named Xaldin tries to make us care that he exists, but honestly not that much. The story stops abruptly. I wonder if this is going to be a thing.

We're Sora again! Mickey is trying too hard to be cool and sends us to meet with a bunch of lorebooks in a wizard hat and cloak, Yen Sid. We meet the best mook ever, Pete, and Sora gets new clothes, fortunately not inspired by Pete's special threads. Then we visit Hollow Bastion again, get membership cards to a nebulously defined organization that needs a better name, and then another nebulously defined organization shows up to troll us. We also have a fun sidebar discussing the various interests of Kazushige Nojima. Okay, one interest, memories.